Insanity, sweet insanity

Life’s a funny thing. Death’s a brutal thing. It takes the fittest to Paradise. Those who Lord wants with him to watch over us, to keep constant vigilance on our actions and our words. God takes the ones he loves most early. But when they go away to live in heaven, they leave a lot here on Earth. They leave tears in our eyes and pain in our chests. It hurts to know that we will never smile with the presence of that person, with his exaggerated laugh, or look in their eyes and know that it’s forever, whether it’s friendship or love. But believe me, it IS forever. You’ll always remember his deep expressive eyes, the jokes that only you knew, the cool hours of doing nothing but enjoying his presence. Lara, you may not read a word from him… But I’m sure your Pogo’s on Paradise. And many other angels with him.

- Ana Beatriz (me-myselfandparamore.tumblr.com)

A tribute to João Paulo Santos Pereira Nobre Monteiro: the best person on Earth.

“Finally summer, princess … Do you believe that? ”
“Thanks Lord! Had had enough of these classes … ”
“The only bad thing is that now I know very well that I’ll only see you again in August, right, lazy girl?”
“Ah, Pogo… Summer is the time to be lazy. I Don’t want to go out.”
“I know that.”
“I’ll miss you!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Um well, you don’t need to miss me no more.”
“Huh?”
“That’s simple. When you miss me, look to the sky! If the moon is full, I’ll be sending you a kiss! You know, right? I am chubby, as a full moon… ”

And that was the farewell. “Goodbye, Princess!”. And a affectionate kiss, like all the other ones. If I try, I can still feel your lips pressed against my cheek one last time… For the last time.

It hurts, my prince. It hurts to know that you won’t come back. Hurts to know I’ll never hear your outrageous laugh, or feel the kiss that you insisted on giving me in the ear, even after I slapped you so hard for doing it. This planet is now sad… And I feel like it will never be the same. This world is hurt of losing you so suddenly. And it cries… I hear its cries all night. The world misses you, Pogo. It misses your jokes, your lack of common sense, your contagious joy.

The world lost you.

I lost you.

“Pretty odd, eh, Mom?”

“What?”

“It’s been so long since the last time I saw a full moon!”

“Oh, I dunno, Lara. Maybe it’s not a full moon month.”

“Maybe…”

It’s June 29th. Someone just called me and said things I didn’t understand. My head hurts, but I can’t explain why. I’m sitting on the floor, feeling like I’ll never be happy again. Feeling as if they had snatched a piece of my essence, a piece of my my soul. My mom finds me and asks what’s going on. I don’t know what to answer… I say some words that even I don’t understand and close my eyes.

Few seconds passes.

What the hell am I doing in my best friend’s house? Hey girls, stop crying over me. You’re scaring me! Why are you guys hugging me like this? Get up from the sidewalk, Renee! Stop crying, please. What’s happening here?

Despair and more despair. One by one, I see all those I love in a sorry state. All my friends… Some are kneeling, some lying on the ground. The strongest are facing the wall, blinking endlessly. Some are sitting on the floor, moving forward and back with hands on knees without saying anything.

I’m crying. Hopeless.

Where is my prince? He would know how to calm down me now. He would know how to stop all the pain and the suffering that emanated from that house… So where is him? My prince is in the backyard, but they tell me I can’t see him. Oh why? I want his arms to comfort me now. I don’t understand why I’m crying.

“It’s because of him you’re crying, Lara. It is because you’re no longer able to take refuge in his arms. It’s because he can not embrace you. He lies in the backyard. I know you would like to see him, but you can’t… You wouldn’t bear. Now sleep. Go to sleep, because tomorrow is another day. And will be long… “

I look at the sky. It is full moon. Finally! Is the moon telling me that my prince misses me. And reminding me that I will miss him for the rest of my life.

“Sleep, Lara”.

So, I sleep. So, I wake up. So, I miss him.

The morning arrives. I am supported by my friends, now calmer. They hold my hand. We are in a beautiful place. Full of trees, flowers and… Tombstones. On the wall there is a plaque with details and names of several rooms. In the room number one, is the name of a person I don’t know. The same happens with the rooms two and three. But in the room four… João Paulo S. Pereira Nobre Monteiro. Then they were hiding my prince there?

I run to the room. There is a coffin in it. And he was there.

He was sleeping angelic, with blond hair neatly arranged. He was wearing a suit, which I thought was funny. My prince didn’t use to wear this kind of clothing.

“Wake up, Pogo! I’m here. Yesterday it was full moon… You don’t have to miss me anymore! I’m here.”

He does not move.

“Get up! Pogo please, wake up…”
Hands pull me back and take me away from him. “He won’t wake up, Lara. Come on, you can not stay here.”
Suddenly it’s the farewell. Unwittingly, my hand waves goodbye. An eternal goodbye. “Bye, Pogo. Bye, my prince. Bye, the one who has always been with me. Goodbye”.

MY PRINCE,

Like you, there will never be anyone. A completely irreplaceable person. Not only for me but for anyone who has ever had the pleasure to have you in their lives. Your manner, your warmth, your love, your concern for every living thing that was around you… And also your craziness, your loud screams on public places, the times you slapped us and pulled our hair, making we want to kill you.

Now it all seems so small… I would do whatever it took to have you here again, so you can annoy me with your loud laughter… And so I can  punch you in the stomach every time you start to scream and hear as an answer: “didn’t hurt at all” while laughing. So I can rush out angry behind you when you insist on saying that I’m a zombie.

But above all, to have again your reassuring hug when I was sad. To hear “I love you, my princess” and know that it’s true. To feel again what only you could make me feel: love. To feel loved and protected by your side. To be sure that “if Pogo’s here, everything will be fine.”

Sooner or later we’ll meet again, little brother. And then I’ll punch you in the stomach for being so stupid, for making me suffer so much and feel so much pain. And do you know what will you answer?

“It didn’t hurt at all”.

JOÃO PAULO SANTOS PEREIRA NOBRE MONTEIRO - (Pogo)

★26/11/1996 - † 29/06/2011

Thank you for the 14 years you have been with us, chubby baby.

We’ll never forget you.

From your very best friend (and princess),

Lara.